Monday, September 29, 2008

Rambling - Divine Dependency

I love serving in the mission field! It's incredibly rewarding to be used by God to accomplish His will. However, it's the way He uses my daily experiences to allow me to better understand His truth that causes me to cherish my calling.

One of my latest revelations is how completely dependent on God I really am. I suppose some of you may be thinking that's an obvious theological truth, and it shouldn't have taken two years in the foreign mission field to discover. Sadly, for me that is exactly what it has taken. Prior to our move to Costa Rica I would have agreed that I was dependent on God, but it surely wasn't something that was lived out everyday.

I think the primary reasons it wasn't lived it out everyday, is that I had structured my life in such a way, that I didn't feel like I needed to live by faith at all. I didn't feel all that dependent on God's daily provision. Almost every area of my life was under control, or at least that was the illusion I had created. I had a secure and steady job, with a secure and steady paycheck, and lived in a secure and steady part of town. I had insurances in place to help mange any problem that may arise.

However, here in Costa Rica, I'm learning to embrace and celebrate my complete and utter dependency on God. Being that I'm a recovering control freak it's been a difficult spiritual truth to accept and embrace, but now more than ever I realize how completely dependent I am on God.

So what happened to help reveal this truth to me? It's been a combination of many things. However, I'm only going to take the time to share three. The most tangible way is our family's monthly financial support. I know it's stupid, but sometimes I worry about our support. I start to get concerned that God isn't going to provide for us. Keep in mind that He has never let us down in the past, and has sometimes worked though miraculous circumstances to show that He will provide. Even still, sometimes the doubts overcome me and I worry. Sometimes, during my times of worry I think to myself that it would be a lot easier to return to the United States and get a steady job, with a steady salary. Then He reminds me, that He called us here, and He is going to provide for us. Then I realize this is the best job security you can have.

Another area is His calling me to lead and direct His ministry. Directing 6:8 Ministries is a lot of work and an awesome responsibility. To make matters worse, I can't think of anyone less qualified than me to do the job. I have no previous experience or formal training in leading or directing a mission organization. Then He reminds me that He wants to use me in spite of all my weaknesses. He is doing great things through His ministry to change lives in powerful ways. He's causing His ministry to grow in ways I would have never imagined. I'm certain that none of the success we have experienced would have happened apart from Him. Almost daily I ask Him to help me lead His ministry in a way that would honor Him.

The final area is my family's physical safety. We live in a dangerous area, and the potential for harm is always present. There are frequent robberies and shootings. I hear about assaults and burglaries on a weekly basis. I sometimes find myself senselessly worrying about our personal safety. We try to be cautious and wise, but we will not live in fear. In the two years of living here we have never been personally victimized, and we are learning to trust God to go before us and protect us.

In closing I'm thankful that my daily life is full of uncertainty. It's causing me to recognize my complete dependence on God, and in turn strengthening my faith. I don't ever want to go back to safe and secure, if it means compromising or losing touch with my new found dependency.

Depending on Him,